Isn't it enough that I show up?

10:28am: Departing for a new world.
In the past week, I've been making some major decisions. After lots of thought and consideration, I have come to a conclusion.

Im changing blogs.

(HAHA! Its FUNNY because you all thought I was going to say something MAJOR, like "Im MOVING TO CHINA!!! But Im just CHANGING MY BLOG SITE! HAHA! Fooled you!!)

Ok, Im done.

Anyway, you can read all my new posts at sarandpty.blogspot.com, and I promise I will try to make them as entertaining as my posts here. Because clearly, I'm aiming low.

So come see! Read! Comment! Remind me I'm popular and interesting!

(No really. Really I am. I promise. Im interesting. Validate me... please...)

Right.

Don't be a square, see you there!

3:22pm: Thinking...

I said the phrase "rapier wit" this afternoon, and it made me think of John.

Cause he used to laugh really hard when anyone quoted "Dumb and Dumber."

 

"I'll impress her with my rapists wit!"

3:17pm: One other thing...

I would also like to sent a HUGE and ENORMOUS THANK YOU to lemoncake for her INVALUABLE PART in helping me obtain the shoes. It is all because of her that they are mine.

Awesome.

12:15pm: Pure, orgasmic bliss...

Let me just break down for you what happened last night when I got home.

I come trudging through the cold, Im on the phone with my mom talking about how my day at work was kind of crappy. I was annoyed and tired, and all I wanted to do was put on my PJ's. I walk in the door and my coat is all bulky and my mom is yapping about something and I dropped my purse and the box I was carrying and Im all disheveled, and my roommate says to me "You got something in the mail today."

My heart. Froze. FROZE. Because I knew that I was only expecting ONE thing in the mail. So in the grand tradition of me, I grab everything in the world that I was carrying, nearly drop my cell phone, and start shrieking at my mother as I half stumbled, half sprinted to my room.

And there, on the floor, was a box. An ordinary, run-of-the-mill, UPS box. I THROW everything down (save the cell phone) and dart, panting through the apartment, to get a pair of scissors. My mother, on the other end of the phone is wondering what the hell is going on, and the conversation went like this:

Mom: WHAT HAPPENED?!?!? IS EVERYTHING OK?!?! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?!? WHATS GOING ON?!?!?

Me: OhmygodheeemmmeeelllaaaahhhJESUS..I..scissors...box!heeebbbbgggeeeeffff... wherearethemotherfuckingscissors?!!?!Holy...ggggeeeehhhhgarblegarble....SHOES!!!SHOES!!!Box!!!SHOES!!!"

Mom: OH MY GOD DID YOU GET THE SHOES!?!?!? SQUEEEEE!!! THE SHOES! THE SHOES!!! ARE THEY THERE?!?!? IS THAT WHATS IN THE BOX!??!? SQUEEEEE SQUEEEEEE!!! WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?!?!?

Me: Mother fucking box!!! Not... opening... fast... enough... cant... wait... wait... WAIT... WAIT... AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And there. In my hands. Was a sleek, black, box with the white letters: GUCCI.

And as I peeled back the cover of said box, and pushed aside the white tissue that encased the greatest treasure I have ever known, I found NIRVANA.

THE SHOES. They were everything I dreamed they would be:

Im in love. I am LITERALLY IN LOVE with these shoes. I mean, forget the fact that they are shoes for a second, and just fucking LOOK at them. The color! The shape! The line and structure! Bordeaux satin ribbon and crushed velvet! HAND SEWN SEQUINS! All in perfect medley.

And they are GUCCI. Seriously, Italian design? What is more exquisite than that? They are breathtaking, and as of last night, they are MINE. They are on my feet as I post this, and my feet have never been so happy.

12:41pm: Even later than Normandie...
So, I like this game of taking 20 movie quotes and pasting them in your Livejournal for people to guess. Such a fun game! So, for those of you who DON'T know, I'll strike them out as people guess what movie they are from. FUN!!

1) "Well I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely."
2) "The Water Hole? Whats so great about the water hole?"
3) "You mean, sleep with a straight guy? Whats the point?"
4) "Johnny has HIS hand! Johnny has HIS bride! Wheres MY hand!?! Wheres MY bride!?!?"
5) "Please, you wouldn't care if I slept with the US Army, as long as they were on the right side of the Ho Chi Minh trail. All you care about is that youre not 'daddys girl' anymore. He listens when I talk now."
6) "Imagine you're a baby deer. You go to a bubbling spring to get a sip of water, you lower your little baby deer lips to take a drink, and then BAM! Someone blows your fuckin brains out!!"
7) "You are NOT going out of this house dressed as Adolf Hitler!!"
8) "So its sorta social... Demented and SAD, but social."
9) "You're all looking at my tits now, aren't you?"
10) "I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule."
11) "Me lead you?! Lady, look at me. I don't even know where the Hell I am half the time!"
12) "This is my Peter, friend Peter! We just now ran into each other, here at the intersexual . . . homosection . . . intersection!"
13) "It's a beautiful day and we're out killing drug dealers--are there any in the house?"
14) "I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicist commune, we take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week."
15) "Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise, at night, through eel-infested waters."
16) "Given the type of people you are, and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong probability that this may be the only chance you will ever have in your entire lives to have sex."
17) "...And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch's occular cavities."
18) "Ooh, if I just wasn't a lady, WHAT wouldn't I tell that varmint."
19) "Enough about you, Casanova! Talk about her! She's smart, fun, the hair, the eyes, ANYTHING - pick a feature!"
20) "When you go on a diet, your body eats its stored fat cells. And if you're very lucky, Darcy, your body will eat your ass!"

2:14pm: Best. Day. EVER.

REMEMBER THESE?!?!?

 

Well GUESS WHAT?!?!?!

11:31am: Plotting...

My cat is trying to make my death look like a suicide.

Behold:

I'm posting this in case they find my body mysteriously in the charles river. I swear I didn't jump... Roxy pushed me.

Does this look like an innocent face to YOU?!?!

4:35pm: People are stupid...

Redefining Marriage is Not a Civil Right
March 2, 2004

by Glenn T. Stanton

(ed. note. I just took an excerpt of my FAVORITE part)

A moment’s reflection reveals that “giving marriage a gay make-over” as one gay protester in Denver recently put it, is not a civil rights issue. Sex preference is not skin color. San Francisco is not Selma. Marriage is not a lunch counter or a seat on a bus.

 

Um... And YOU, Mr. Stanton, are not very bright.

10:22am: New Years Wish...
I would like to win a million dollars and move back to Los Angeles, cause this weather fucking blows...

3:50pm: Merry Christmas and all

So, my Christmas was awesome, vacation ruled.

Some highlights:

1) The weather: Warm, sunny, about 75 degrees and breezy.

2) I TOTALLY RAN INTO DAVID FORREST WHO WAS SO THE HOTTEST GUY IN 10TH GRADE AND WE FLIRTED ALL NIGHT. Sigh...

3) Seeing my family, and finally meeting my sisters new boyfriend, who is, to say the least, really nice, polite, friendly, smart, and totally NOT a fucking psychotic loser drug addict future axe murderer. Im so glad she is so done with all that.

4) I saw many of my old friends (sadly, not all of them. Damn not having more vacation time! DAMN IT!!!) and we had lots of fun.

5) Good presents. My sister and I are so totally spoiled, and its awesome.

6) My mother got THE CUTEST PUPPY IN THE WORLD. Oh my god, I thought I was going to die of cuteness. I'll post pics later, so the rest of the world can go "Squuuuueeeeeee!" and then die from a cute overdose.

I'll post pictures later, cause there are lots of good ones.

4:47pm: RE: "Where the Streets Have No Name" by U2

Dara: my favorite moment of all time is when Edge plays the first notes of the song after the organ part in the beginning, and the crowd realizes what song it is
Me: and then I start crying? Like that time in Boston when we went to see U2?
Dara: and I start jumping up and down with my arms in the air like I've just been touched by the lord?
Me: yes
Me: like that

11:17am: Because I know she reads it...
Every single time I read Ariannas livejournal, I miss her this much: <---infinity--->

And I can not fucking wait to see her at Christmas. I mean, Im excited to see everyone, but for some reason, I just CAN NOT wait to give her a hug. An Arianna hug.

The baby jesus is going to smile.

11:12am: Because I helped push your fat ass into the window, whore!!!
Stephanie thinks I probably just tore my rotator cuff or pinched a nerve, but I think my ARM IS GOING TO FALL OFF!!!

I suppose we will have to see what the doctor says tonight. Im hoping its "Calm down, here is enough percoset to kill a horse. Have fun."




Ed. Note. Stephanie is not actually "fat" by any definition of the word, but when you're drunkenly trying to shove someone into a 5 foot window at 3 am in the freezing cold and trying not to slip in the snow, pretty much if they weigh more than a large cat, they might as well be a beached whale.

4:53pm: Silly Rabbit...

So, I get this email today, about how one of the legal advocates my center has worked very closely with is filing a lawsuit against soda companies, as well as Sponge Bob Square Pants and Nickelodeon, because these corporations promote unhealthy eating habits in young children.

Blink... blink blink...

Ok, so I realize that's probably a noble cause when it comes to these corporations targeting certain areas more heavily because they are poorer neighborhoods and what not (which is true). But my reaction overall to that is: I'm sorry, I know cereal companies and candy companies and soda companies pay TONS of money to LOTS of cartoon networks for the rights to use their characters, but ultimately, doesn't the blame fall (and I know this is a radical idea) on.... the PARENTS?

I was marketed to as a child. I remember all the commercials saturday morning for Cocoa Puffs and Cookie Crisp and Trix and Fruity Pebbles and Cap'n Crunch. I remember BEGGING my mother to let us have Squeeze-its in our lunch, or OH, CAPRI SUN... And you know what she said? NO. And you know what we got for "sugar" cereal? Kix. And you KNOW WHAT WE HAD TO DRINK IN OUR LUNCHES? Minute Maid juice, to wash down the carrots, tuna sandwich, apple and if we were lucky, granola bar we had to eat.

So, ok, here is a snippit what the article says:

SpongeBob SquarePants and characters like him should promote only healthy food for children, a panel of scientists said yesterday.

Breaking News Alerts Food marketing strongly influences what children eat, the Institute of Medicine said in a comprehensive review of scientific evidence on the issue. Overwhelmingly, food and drinks marketed to children are high in calories and low in nutrition, the report said....

''If marketing to children affects their food choices, then it's time to stop marketing to them," said Susan Linn, a psychiatry instructor at Harvard Medical School who helped found the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood.

The report said evidence is limited on whether television advertising directly causes obesity in children. Still, the evidence was compelling enough to call for a concerted effort to change the nature of foods being marketed to children, panel members said.

The panel said the government should try tax breaks and other incentives to encourage the shift away from junk food and, if that doesn't work, Congress should mandate it.

Sooooo, um... I've highlighted my favorite part. Because my question is, since when do children get to choose what they eat?!?!? You EAT what your PARENTS BUY!!!!!

Anyway, thats about what I think. But I'm glad for the article, because I did have an epiphany about something that has ALWAYS bothered me since I was a little kid:

If sugary foods causes obesity in children, than maybe those fat little bastards should have shared their god damn Trix with the rabbit!!!!!

11:35am:

...because I laughed so hard I almost swallowed my own tongue.

3:36pm: More awesome conversations...

sarandpty: ...I dont know. Its insane and stupid and it makes me really sad, but Im starting to be able to talk about it without crying
sarandpty: so, thats step one
sarandpty: Im starting to think that everyone I've ever met after high school is seriously fucked up. I mean like, I always thought that WE were fucked up, but no, Im starting to think that we are hyper-normal with lots of entertaining quirks that dont hinder our emotional development
sarandpty: and instead just make people laugh, and like us
kuma draconis: I definitely think the latter is way more accurate than the former
kuma draconis: we are hyper-normal in a lot of seriously disturbing ways
kuma draconis: quirky, but pretty damn normal
sarandpty: I mean, that, in and of itself, is really fucking refreshing
kuma draconis: yeah, it was kind of a startling realization

 

No, I mean I SERIOUSLY LOVE DARA

4:40pm: Reading...
And is it really safe for Britney to do the rebel yell while drinking moonshine from a milk-carton and peeing out the limo window? I don't think I want to know the answers.

12:59pm: I'll send an SOS to the world...
Things are sort of... Difficult for me right now.

Everyone I have talked to about "the difficulty" is giving me the same advice "You'll be ok, move on, you'll get through this, maybe things will get better, etc. etc."

So, I don't think they are going to get better, actually. I think some final decisions have been made and I just have to deal with them, which, makes me really sort of infinitely sad, because I don't understand what happened, but I hope that I'll be able to get through with minimal permanent damage.

And like SG says, this will open up some new opportunities for me that I was being held back from before.

And SG is usually right. But your patience with me would be appreciated.

"Beeeeee nice to meeeeee! I'm SENsitive today!" ~SG

5:18pm: Conversations...

Me: I mean, HOW does a person not know "Rocky Raccoon" by the Beatles!?!?!

Shannon: I don't know...

Me: But, thats like saying you never heard that song... you know, about the guy with the Axe!!!

Shannon: A song by the Beatles?

Me: Um, Yeeahhhh... You know, the song about the GUY, and he hits the OTHER GUY with his AXE... Pssh.

Shannon: ....

Shannon: Do you mean "Maxwell's Silver Hammer?"

Me: Yeah, that one.

4:45pm: How to annoy me...

You know, I thought and I thought and I thought of a response.

And all I could come up with was:

FUCK YOU, DICK

12:11pm: The five senses
5 Favorite Smells
- Clear night air after a fall rain mixed with chimney smoke
- Antique Cedar Furniture
- Apple Cinnamon Candles
- The Ocean at dusk
- The hallways of the buildings in Pompeii

5 Favorite Flavors
- Salmon Sashimi
- Champaigne
- Mocha Almond Fudge Ice Cream
- Guacamole
- Chocolate

5 Favorite Sounds
- Inspirations Diabolique
- When my dog used to snore
- The wind blowing leaf piles
- Uncontrolled Laughter
- Snow crunching under boots

5 Favorite Sensations
- Rubbing my feet between my chennile blanket & my down comforter
- My face after a mud mask
- Tearing along the perforation
- Dipping my fingers into a bag of flour or beans
- Standing barefoot on a sheepskin rug

5 Favorite Sights
- Venice at dawn
- Cezannes paintings
- Jewelry that sparkles
- My cat sleeping
- Sunsets in California

5:09pm: Two Things...

One:

My birthday was SO awesome. Which is cool, because I wasnt expecting a whole lot, so it defintiely FAR exceeded my expectations.

Highlights:

TJ and Sarah made some SERIOUSLY kick-ass Chicken Parmisan, and I got a delish cake that was BRIGHT RED. So cool.

Sarah G and Dave came over with wine, and Sarah and I proceeded to sit on the couch and laugh hysterically at random things, including the feeling you get when you wake up in the morning on the floor of a city bus and youve got like, a condom in your ear. Ya know?

I got Trivial Pursuit: Pop culture DVD edition, and I CAN NOT WAIT TO PLAY IT!!!

And la piece de resistance:

I checked my messages to see who called me to say Happy Birthday, and LO AND BEHOLD, the ONE, the ONLY, SEXY AS HELL DR. KOVAC FROM ER, the Croation Sensation thats Sweeping the Nation, WAS SINGING ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Woot for having your best friend from High School work for ER. HOTT.

I know right? I totally screamed like a little girl at a boy band concert... Or, well, I guess I screamed like ME at a boy band concert...

Two:

I bought a lottery ticket, because the Jackpot for mega millions is $315 million. And you know? Why not?

SO, if I win said $315 million (with its estimated cash payout of $184.6 million) I want to know what ANY of my friends who read this want for Christmahannukwanza. There are only THREE RULES:

1) You have to know me, and be my friend. If I don't like you, you get squat.

2) You have a CAP pricetag of $50K

3) It MUST be something ORIGINAL. It can be any attainable product (as in, NO, Ali, I cannot buy you Brad Pitt) as long as it is something your heart desires and isnt something boring.

Examples:

Something ORIGINAL: "I would like a small pig, weighing no more than 11 pounds full grown, with a tattoo of the constellation Gemini on its hind quarters, that can oink on command."

Something NOT Original: Cars, the $50K just in cash, diamonds (although a solid diamond statue of a penis IS something I would buy, if you so desire), fancy bling, clothes, random crap rappers and/or Britney Spears would buy... you know.

So hit me back with your requests, and if someone thinks of something SO original and cool it makes me burst out laughing or wanting one of my own, I'll give you $50K on TOP of the present.

 

3:36pm: Additional side note...
...to the previous entry.

I turned off the comments because I really don't feel like plastering more of the stupid crap people say, but if you really just have to get something off your chest about the whole thing, you may email me.

Also, there are a few of you (you KNOW who you are) who are NOT WELCOME to comment at all. Ever. In fact, I basically feel like you should be banned from speaking all together. Your opinion is invalid and I don't care about it. Please leave me and my family alone. If this upsets you so much, you are welcome to NOT READ MY JOURNAL.

For everyone else, I love you, and I am glad you are in my life. That is all. Kisses!!!

12:42pm: TJ is going to get so annoyed by this entry...

So, I know it sounds really awful, but have you ever known someone, or known OF someone, and the only opinion you can formulate is "Wow, I am just so totally better than you. Because you suck at life. A lot."

It really is kind of a terrible thing to say, and I suppose that no one should really think that about another person, as it leads to say, a Nazi-like outlook on life... But I mean, come on. There are some people on this Earth that just seriously suck. They have no moral or ethical boundaries, they're selfish and stupid and hypocritical, they have anger management issues, and they clearly have no concept of things like basic human decency or, say, social graces. And really, why NOT think that about yourself? Why NOT hold yourself to a higher standard, and treat people with the respect they deserve, and when someone behaves like a degenerate pig, or basically communicates that that's really all their entire personality is, why SHOULDN'T you be able to say "I am a better person than you are?" No one would think twice if I said "I think its pretty safe to say that I'm a better person than Charles Manson. I feel like my moral standing is that of a higher level than, say, many of the people in our government, etc. etc."

Plus, people say stuff like that about their friends and family all the time, and everyone is ok with that. If I said to my friend "I don't think the person you are dating is good enough for you, you could do better, blah blah blah..." thats a perfectly acceptable opinion, and no one judges you for it.

I also know that I personally can be a bit judgemental, and quick to draw conclusions. But the thing is, we as people are pretty much all like that. We of course want the best for the people we love, and I think I try pretty damn hard to NOT pass judgement on people and try to see their perspective, even though they may be a terrible person. This is part of the reason I don't believe in the death penalty (although SG will agree with me that sometimes vigilante justice is just SO SATISFYING).

Anyway, I bring this up because my sister is going through a rough patch right now and there is an unfortunate involvement with this type of person. Actually, several of the people involved are this type of person. Without going into excessive detail, basically her ex boyfriend is a total psycho. So there has been this ludacrous online livejournal "war" in which people (myself included... I know, I know, immature much? But its about my SISTER, how am I NOT going to defend her?) leave comment after comment about who is the worse person. Its stupid, but it happened, and I can't change that.

What I find particularly frustrating, however, is that these people who have ended up attacking ME about some of the stuff I have said, think that I am basing all of my opinions on hearsay from my sister, which is entirely NOT the case. In fact, the ONLY thing I had EVER heard about this boyfriend was how in love she was and how wonderful he was. Every once in a while I would get a story from my mom, but I know to take the things she says with a grain of salt, because, well, shes my mom. But then there was the whole messy break up, and the taking of sides, and the calling of names, and I started to realize, based SOLELY ON THE COMMENTS HE WROTE, that this person certainly fell into my category of "People who are degenerate pig shit." Is that bad?

Ok, let me clarify, in terms of say, a geometric proof:

Given 1: Person A uses a gratuitous amount of words like "slut, lying whore, fucking bitch, crazy, psycho, stupid etc." when referencing Person B

Given 2: Person A also airs personal and private details about Person B on a universally accessed website, and refers to these details as justifications for why Given 1 is valid.

Given 3: Person B has made some exceptionally poor decisions, but NEVER stooped to the level of airing the flaws of Person A in public.

Given 4: Person B is my only and very very loved sister.

Conclusion: Person B may have fucked up a lot, and I don't condone this behavior, but Person A is the one who completely sucks at life, and should move to Mars.

Ok, so is that a totally unjustifiable conclusion? I didn't think so.

So basically, Im just increadibly sick of the goings on of this situation. And I know by posting it, Im just perpetuating the cycle of not letting it go, but I just can't seem to let the stuff that was said slide. And its not even ALL in the past! This guy and one of her friends go back and forth all day as though their whole life revolves around who can say the meanest thing about my sister (and for an entertaining time, for those interested, you should read some of the comments, because holy hell, they're pretty funny. And by "funny" I mean "so ridiculous its laughable." If you peruse around long enough you'll be able to find them). But, for the most part, my sister is over it, which I think is great. She has a new boyfriend who apparently my parents really like (A first in our family... I SAID she's made bad choices didn't I?) and she has more or less cut all the people who suck out of her life (I HOPE!).

Anyway, I guess I should be sort of grateful in a way too, because at least it lead me to THINK about how judgmental people can be, how hypocritical, and how much of those two characteristics Im going to allow to effect MY personality. I guess I should try harder in lots of ways. I should try to broaden my mind just a little bit.

But sometimes its really hard NOT to just sit and think "why in the name of christ do I give two shits about the feelings and perspectives of the seriously pathetic and fucked up lives these low-life bastards lead? My sister is SO much better off. Ha ha ha..."

Hey, Im not PERFECT. :)

 

1:10pm: BEST. CONVERSATION. EVER.

Xtina: He wants to go trick or treating in my pants

Me: PLEASE tell me thats a hilarious euphemism

Xtina: hahaha of course it is

Me: so let him go trick or treating in your pants!

Me: I got lots of chocolate in my halloween sack on friday...